Secondly, many of the parents who are involved with the school are the parents of these same brats. School administrators fear negative PR, and to a principal or superintendent, negative PR is when a loud-mouthed parent with a shitty kid calls the newspaper office. Entitlement is the bane of our society's existence, and it's alive and well in our public schools.
I don't think I've ever seen a loud-mouthed parent with a sh**** kid call the newspaper office.... but, otoh, would I know if this were happening?
?
For me, this teacher's observation raises a couple of issues.
First of all, this sounds like the Boss Parent meme that circulates amongst parents as well as teachers. Here in Irvington, for years, I've heard tales of killer, teacher-principal-stomping parents who get what they want, or else. I hear these tales from other parents, mind you.
Everywhere I go, I meet parents who think other parents are getting stuff they want, not them.
I used to think that myself.
But all of the tales are just that: tales. There's never a real person in any of the stories, just a hypothesized person. I've reached the conclusion that these parents don't actually exist.
PITA parents per se exist, absolutely. I'm in the PITA category, though not for most of C's teachers, I would hope. I'm a royal PITA for administrators. (Most of C's teachers are good; some are terrific; the problems in the district aren't explained by individual good-or-bad teachers.)
But I don't know any PITA parents who are actually getting what they want, outside of SPED.
At least, not in the middle school. By rights, the middle school principal should post a sign on his door saying, "The answer is no." Save everyone a lot of time and trouble.
I have yet to talk to a parent of a middle school child here who doesn't feel the same way.
what the school board attorney told me
It's entirely possible that Irvington is an outlier when it comes to loudmouth parents of sh**** kids. For a number of reasons, some having to do with the ginormous* amount of tutoring going on at Horace Mann (a subject for another day), I have developed a mental category I call compliant rich people.
IUFSD having more than its share of the working rich, the town may be, statistically speaking, underpopulated by LPOSKs.
In any case, the idea that the parents of "bad kids" might be more involved with the schools than parents of good kids gets at something I've thought about since becoming involved in district politics.
It has always seemed to me that, for me, a condition of becoming politically engaged was having a good kid -- and by "good kid" I don't mean a good kid who's a "handful. "
I mean a kid who is easy to deal with inside the classroom.
I'm not sure why I've thought this, but I have. (And I certainly don't think that, if your child has ADHD, you should skip the politics and stick to Team Meetings.)
I once asked a school board attorney how an administration would be likely to view Ed and me. (Sorry if this is a repeat - I think it's in a Comment somewhere.)
She said we would be in 3 fairly separate categories:
- SPED - "know their rights, give them what they want" (for newbies, "what we want" means education of our two severely autistic children in special classes, not inside the regular classroom except where the school can make it work)
- "reasonable parents, not PITA parents who are going to make you un-discipline their typical kid"
- "bee in their bonnet about academics, probably something to what they're saying"
This is a paraphrase, but it's a close paraphrase.
The second item is the one that intrigues me, and is, I presume, the opposite of the category Scheiss is talking about.
Apparently, gauging by the board attorney's observation and by the Scheiss post, this category exists, and is understood to exist by administrators and teachers alike.
What's unnerving is that "reasonable" is defined as "not going to make the school un-discipline their typical kid" -- and that, at some level, I knew this from the get-go.
* that's: ginormous
"Everywhere I go, I meet parents who think other parents are getting stuff they want, not them."
ReplyDeleteFor me, I've had to reevaluate what I think it is I want for my children. What do these other kids get that mine do not?
The rumour mill at our elementary school is that PTA parents get to choose their teachers...the best teachers. However, what does the best mean? It means different things to different people.
I have learned so much by reading KTM so my ideas of what constitutes the "best" have changed.
I would love a math class taught by Steve H. and others at KTM. There are just so many people who post and comment who have made an impact on what I define as the "the best."
You guys are the ones to whom I look for excellence because I know you care. You aren't blowing smoke up someones a**.
If you started your own charter school, I would be there with bells on!
This is now widely believed in our own K-5 school; I don't think it was believed when we were there, but to be honest I don't know. (otoh, I was a PTSA mom then....and I was around the schools all the time. I'm thinking I would have known if that rumor was widely believed.)
ReplyDeleteIt is VERY corrosive to have a situation in which parents believe that insider parents get the good stuff
VERY
It is also widely believed that fundraiser parents have first dibs on Honors courses for their kids ALL ELSE BEING EQUAL.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, if a fundraiser parent's child and a non-fundraiser parent's child are equals, the tip will go to the fundraiser parent's child.
I don't believe this, though I could be wrong.
My sense is that the high school frequently follows a "squeaky wheel" principal.
All of this is extremely bad, and is something we're hoping to address.
REPEAT AFTER ME:
Darwinian gatekeeping is BAD.
Creating an artificial scarcity of goods and then using secret criteria and mystifying processes to distribute them is a lousy, lousy way to run a school.
And this is the way our high school has been run for many, many years, I am told.
I want redkudu to start a school.
ReplyDeleteReading the student & parent posts makes you appreciate redkudu all the more.
ReplyDeleteShe writes vividly about real events, and about the difficulties and frustrations teachers face.
But she is never flippant or unkind.
That's what I want, ideally, in a teacher (or administrator).
I want someone who is confident, competent, frank, and, if possible, funny.
If I have to leave one of those characteristics off the list, funny can go.
Confidence is extremely important, because in fact teachers take a lot of guff, rightly or wrongly.
ReplyDeleteTeachers need to be confident and a little bit tough ---- qualities that allow them to accept a criticism when it's correct.
Actually, it's more than that.
As a writer, I have a rule that "every criticism is correct."
Now, obviously, if I REALLY lived by that rule in its strong formI'd have a nervous breakdown.
But in its soft form the rule is important.
When a person reads something I wrote & comes away with the wrong impression of what I said, I have to assume that I have failed to get the message across.
I definitely assume that "it's my fault" if two people come away with the same misunderstanding.
The fact that two people got the wrong idea from something I wrote does not make me a lousy writer.
It makes me a writer who needs to revise.
Criticism and feedback are your friend.
Teachers probably need to be able to listen to hostile, upset parents and ask themselves, "What is the grain of truth here, and is there something I can do about it?"
Given the nature of schools, there may not be anything an individual teacher can do about it, but a confident teacher will probably be able to ask this question.
AND-----
ReplyDeleteLet me add that this is an Ideal Trait.
Most people can't take a lot of conflict and flack and keep asking themselves, "What is the grain of truth?"
All I'm trying to say is that this should be the goal.
A professional has to develop professional forebearance.
Not easy, but it's part of being a professional.
"I want redkudu to start a school."
ReplyDeleteFunny you mention that...
I'm cautiously delving into the investigation of the possible idea. Is that non-committal enough? :)
Suffice it to say, I've done some spreadsheets, some reading, etc.
I've been playing with it for a while now, and was further inspired by a comment you made about the community college model.
I cannot imagine what I would do outside of education, but I'm also getting to the point where I'm not sure I can go on another 10-20 years as I watch the situation deteriorate. It makes me too sad.
I want to leave "funny" on the list, at least in some form. I think folks with a good sense of humor have the ability to step back and recognize the absurdity of the human condition.
ReplyDeleteHumor humanizes, and laughter breaks tension.
Funny must definitely stay on the list!
ReplyDeleteWhen our principal wanted to know what style of teacher parents wanted for their children, one of my qualities was a sense of humor.
I also wanted someone firm, but not over-bearing, kind and compassionate without being a push over.
Someone who liked being with kids...even those with lots of energy.
"Criticism and feedback are your friend."
ReplyDeleteAfter my first semester of teaching, I diligently read through all of the students' written comments. Most were helpful and instructive, and a few were even encouraging. :)
But one comment had left me perplexed and confused; a student had thought I was showing favoritism by calling on two students more than others. I mentioned this to a fellow faculty member, as I was somewhat offended by the comment. His response? That as a general rule, there is usually a grain of truth in criticism.
I took that advice to heart, and decided to look at the comment objectively. What I realized was that I probably had called on them more often because I knew their names. It was easy, it was familiar, and I had over 150 students spread over four classes, and I was presenting material for the first time and blah, blah, blah . . .
The point is that while I had lots of excuses, that didn't matter. I needed to change my approach, which I did. It's hard to examine oneself and one's behavior and to take criticism, even if it's constructive. But it's essential in almost every endeavor that I can think of; otherwise, how does growth occur? Or how do you know whether what you are doing is working or not? You at least have to be open to it, I think.
I hope you pursue this.
ReplyDeleteYou've really got the "tone" down, if you know what I mean (and I think you do) ----- and you've got the friendly toughness it's going to take to start a school.
The community college idea came from Ben Calvin, as a matter of fact.
He and I were emailing a bit, a while back, and he was saying that the things I was advocating for would never happen. He said that because he thought I wanted to end tenure or unions or some such.
There are arguments to be made on both sides of those issues, but I was thinking of something different, which escapes me now.....and Ben emailed back saying, "That's a community college."
I think I was saying that grouping should simply mean that each topic has a sequential series of classes, like algebra 1 & algebra 2.
In a community college you don't battle the school to let you into algebra 2 if you can't do algebra 1; there's no dishonor in starting where you are.
I'll have to see if I can find his email.
But, yes, I sparked to that idea right away.
The image of a much less FRAUGHT form of ability grouping is extremely appealing.
Instead of dividing kids by "grades" (altogether) or by "Honors" you would divide the subject matter, and place the kids accordingly (and transparently).
Of course, that's DI.
I'm cautiously delving into the investigation of the possible idea. Is that non-committal enough? :)
Suffice it to say, I've done some spreadsheets, some reading, etc.
I've been playing with it for a while now, and was further inspired by a comment you made about the community college model.
"Entitlement is the bane of our society's existence, and it's alive and well in our public schools."
ReplyDeleteThere is an easy solution. Choice. Teachers can't have it both ways. They can't deny choice on one hand, and then complain that they can't do anything about sh____ kids and parents on the other. Let the good kids and parents go somewhere else! Don't tell us that there is nothing you can do. That's awful!
"...the problems in the district aren't explained by individual good-or-bad teachers."
I find it very strange that although KTM talks mostly about systemic issues (pedagogy and curricula), teachers take it very personally. You would think that fourth grade teachers would love the fact that we are trying to make sure that the kids entering his/her class know the times table.
"IUFSD having more than its share of the working rich, the town may be, statistically speaking, underpopulated by LPOSKs."
Most parents are the opposite of LPOSKs. This is a preemptive strike technique.
"It has always seemed to me that, for me, a condition of becoming politically engaged was having a good kid -- and by "good kid" I don't mean a good kid who's a 'handful.'"
A friend of mine (at my son's old school) was in the headmaster's office a few times a week. She was and is a handful. Her kids are straight 'A' students. Her goal was to make the school better.
"Her kids are straight 'A' students. Her goal was to make the school better."
ReplyDeleteThis is perfect! I would like to think that it defines my own particular brand of school activism, as it were. My oldest child graduated high school last year with valedictorian status, and received word last week that she is an AP Scholar With Distinction.
I would like to believe that that gives me some bit of street cred, as it were, when talking about education. My goal is to improve education for all, not just for an elite few.
"My oldest child graduated high school last year with valedictorian status, and received word last week that she is an AP Scholar With Distinction."
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!!!!
Lots of credibility! I hope they appreciate it.
K had a number of outstanding and dedicated teachers along the way, but she also had a solid background in the fundamentals. Without that solid backgound, achieving academic excellence is pretty difficult.
ReplyDeleteOur school district has a number of highly dedicated teachers, and overall, is committed to academic excellence. That is, I haven't seen an overall disdain for knowledge. I think the veteran teachers who understand the importance of fundamentals and knowledge as a foundation need to hear from parents who share those same values.
The potential for erosion comes, I think, in the form of poorly designed projects which are time-consuming and take up valuable instruction time and activities that are theoretically, at least, designed to be connected learning, but end up being poorly framed.
At our school's Honors Night last spring, one of the Science teachers, prior to introducing the winners of a particular award, remarked at how great it was to recognize these academically motivated and high-performing students, because after all, they are our future.
ReplyDeleteIt was just such a sweet moment, because it was so heartfelt on his part. As a teacher, he pours his heart and soul into teaching his students because he understands how important it is for them (and for the betterment of society) to learn the fundamentals of Physics.
K, my daughter, has no plans to pursue Physics at a higher level, but to be an informed citizen, she needs to have a basic knowledge of the principles. Other kids, who do have an interest in those fields, must have that base so they can go on to the next, higher level in college. And so on.
It was just nice to hear that sentiment expressed out loud. Our children--teach them well--they are our future.
Okay, on that rather sappy and sentimental note, I had better stop for the night before I start channeling Whitney Houston.
I think folks with a good sense of humor have the ability to step back and recognize the absurdity of the human condition.
ReplyDeleteActually, you're right.
There is SOOOOOO much cr** going on in the schools, and teachers have to deal with all of it.
Sure, some of them are dishing out the cr**, too ----- but that's beside the point.
A sense of humor gives you perspective, absolutely.
oh, wow!
ReplyDeleteKaren's comment about the student evaluations is going up front!
I'M WRITING IT DOWN!
This is exactly the way I feel about criticism of my writing.
I don't like criticism, but I have absolutely learned that there is a "grain of truth" to most criticisms.
What writers and teachers (and nonfiction writers are in the same category as teachers) need to assume is that people are accurately describing their own experience of your writing or teaching.
It won't do to argue -- you can't say, "Well, I DID explain that point clearly."
I cannot imagine what I would do outside of education, but I'm also getting to the point where I'm not sure I can go on another 10-20 years as I watch the situation deteriorate. It makes me too sad.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you another reason... my youngest sister is about to finishing her teaching degree (special education). She is so disheartened about her chosen profession that her misgivings having been weighing heavily upon her lately.
Aside from needing good places for students to learn, we need good places for great teachers to teach.
Aside from needing good places for students to learn, we need good places for great teachers to teach.
ReplyDeleteI almost can't bear to think about this issue.
Almost.