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Maybe I'm missing something, but when did schools determine that the best place for kids to learn math, science and English is at their own kitchen table?
Even better:
I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point U.S. schools decided that if you can't teach 'em, test 'em...or pile on more homework.
First line in the article:
I hate school!
Me, too.
Having a kid in the middle school is misery. In August, facing the prospect of another year dealing with the place, I had bad dreams. I was thinking that was nuts, until I talked to a mom I hadn't seen in a while, who said she was having bad dreams, too.
That's what you pay the big bucks for, I guess.
Yes, I know that's a bit immature for someone 41 years old. But it's true. I hate school -- so much so that my wife, Amy, and I have hired a college student to help our fifth-grade son manage his schoolwork a few times a week.
It's not that we can't do the work with him, or that we don't want to. Just this evening we helped him study for a reading test, and over the weekend I was quizzing him on customary and metric units of measurement one day and biological definitions the next.
No, it's that the volume of homework and tests that fill his docket is, in a word, ridiculous.I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point U.S. schools decided that if you can't teach 'em, test 'em...or pile on more homework.
The result is that my son's life -- and by extension our family life -- is a constant, stress-laden stream of homework and tests and projects. It overshadows everything we do, always hanging over our head. It affects our weekends, our meals, our vacations, our work time, our playtime, our pocketbooks.
And to what end? Maybe I'm missing something, but when did schools determine that the best place for kids to learn math, science and English is at their own kitchen table?
Yes, I know that's a bit immature for someone 41 years old. But it's true. I hate school -- so much so that my wife, Amy, and I have hired a college student to help our fifth-grade son manage his schoolwork a few times a week.It's not that we can't do the work with him, or that we don't want to. Just this evening we helped him study for a reading test, and over the weekend I was quizzing him on customary and metric units of measurement one day and biological definitions the next.
[snip]
But the level of homework and anxiety my son deals with on a daily basis is well beyond anything healthy. And from talking to other parents, this problem is hardly unique to our family.Amy and I knew there was a problem several weeks ago when our son brought home a D and a C. This was the first time that he earned anything less than a B. And then, a week later, another D.
At first we were mad. He's just not paying attention to the questions; he's rushing through the tests; he's being careless. We quizzed him before the test and again afterward. How is it that he can know the information before and after, yet not during?
It turns out he's stressed out. He told Amy that he wishes he could do better. But he already wakes up on school days between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m., panicked that he doesn't know the material he has already studied. He wakes up Amy to help him go over his notes one more time. He studies in the car on the way to school. Some nights he's up past 10 p.m., writing, reading or memorizing. He spends parts of many weekends reading and doing projects.
Then he sees the Ds and Cs and gets dejected, wondering how he could possibly study any harder or any longer.
The truth is, he can't. His childhood is already all but consumed by textbooks, notebooks and flashcards.
Bermuda triangle
Compounding the problem, as Amy says, is that this barrage of schoolwork "is killing our family." Amy says it makes her "feel like the worst mom in the world." Here's why: Many times our efforts to help our son lead to short tempers and blown fuses because at some point he simply has had enough of all this studying. He just wants to be outside on a Saturday, but he's stuck inside on a project, or reciting the synonyms and antonyms to justify, villain and abandon.
One of Amy's colleagues calls it the Bermuda Triangle, because first the child gets mad, then the parent helping gets mad, and then the parent listening to the meltdown gets mad.
source:
Homework is Hurting Our Family
Ed and I may have had the single worst fight of our entire married life over homework, come to think of it.
31 comments:
"But he already wakes up on school days between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m., panicked that he doesn't know the material he has already studied"
For a fifth-grader? This is not a normal school or child, but the title is:
"How Homework Is Hurting Our Family"
without making any distinction between quantity and quality.
One of the private schools I looked at for my son was one that turned kids into homework robots by fifth grade. These schools exist. The problem is that people will take this article and spin it whichever way they want.
I would use this comment:
"Maybe I'm missing something, but when did schools determine that the best place for kids to learn math, science and English is at their own kitchen table?"
to show that schools have lousy curricula and waste a lot of time. I feel that there should be little need for homework in grades K-6. They can do it all in school.
Others will use this to say that kids have too much homework for any grade. Usually, this goes along with the comment that kids don't have enough time to be kids anymore. For my son, that probably means not having enough Game Cube time, not climbing trees.
Whether my son was in private school or now, in public school, bad homework is bad homework. Good homework has never been a problem. What is a problem is that he still needs a lot of practice managing his time and focusing. I know he can focus because you should see him while he plays his computer games.
Actually, focusing on a computer game is completely different from focusing on homework.
This isn't soft Gardner stuff; it's different.
TOTALLY.
That's not to say your son can't focus on homework, etc...just that kids with quite severe attention problems can "focus" on computer & video games.
I still don't understand it exactly, but the term is "hyperfocus," and I learned recently that hyperfocus is probably a form of perseveration, which is the term usually used in autism to describe repetitive chanting and things of that nature.
I don't think this child is abnormal...my sister was exactly like this boy; I know at least one child here who's like him (probably more)
He's not center-of-the-bell-curve, and he could have an anxiety disorder -- but anxiety disorders are common; they're a "normal" way of being uncommon, if that makes sense
As to the school, I don't think we can say whether it's normal or abnormal
Our 4-5 school, I'm now hearing, is sending home hours of homework
The homework in C's Earth Science course is appalling, and the kids aren't learning anything
bad homework is bad homework, but 2 hours of bad homework in one subject is worse
I've had it on the homework front
how often does good homework come home?
it's rare, and getting rarer around these parts, now that we've got a WAC program in place
teachers who don't have the first clue about how to write or how to teach writing are assigning and grading writing; we've seen one writing assignment from the high school that was so bad Ed says it's the worst he's ever seen
it was extremely time-consuming and elaborate, and couldn't possibly result in good writing
My sister's daughter, freshman in h.s. in CA, is being assigned 2-page long paragraphs
These 2-page paragraphs must include 3 ideas each
The kids HAVE to write these things, and they're getting bad grades for not writing them well
When we had this problem with my then 5th grader, I started documenting exactly how many minutes he was spending on what and saving it. Finally, I called a meeting with the teachers who didn't believe that he was spending 3 hours a night on homework until I showed them.
One teacher never really changed, but the other one did. Still, much of his schedule looked like a high school or college schedule where he had various things due on different days of the week. The amount of brain time he spent keeping up with this was unbelievable and ridiculous. That was when I became his personal secretary.
Part of the problem does come from students having more teachers to deal with in grade school. Since everyone is in the same classroom, you have the various gifted and resource pullouts. I found the middle school to be much more on top of this than the grade school. He had half the amount of homework by 6th grade.
Still, much of his schedule looked like a high school or college schedule where he had various things due on different days of the week. The amount of brain time he spent keeping up with this was unbelievable and ridiculous. That was when I became his personal secretary.
This push for developing "executive function" skills in kids has gone to far. Like so many things the schools do, it's too much, too soon. Used to be we'd be asked to manage these staggered deadlines and long-term projects as 10th graders. Now 5th graders are being asked to do this. Some can, but most can't, and really, they just CAN'T, they are not developmentally ready for it. So we become the personal secretaries. This is just utterly wrong on every level. The kids' self-esteem suffers, family life deteriorates, everyone hates school...I swear, none of these things were happening when I was in school.
Used to be we'd be asked to manage these staggered deadlines and long-term projects as 10th graders. Now 5th graders are being asked to do this.
My daughter was responsible for keepng and following a planner in fourth grade and I've learned they begin using planners at our school in third grade. You're right, they are not developmentally ready for this and unless you have a good "secretary", it doesn't count for much either.
I noticed that the author included an email address. Should we flood his email account with suggestions that he visit KTM?
I actually can't complain about homework in our district. The teachers have always been reasonable in their enforcement.
This year, in the 6th grade, each teacher has said no more than 20 min. If it takes longer than that, or they get frustrated, stop and send the teacher a note.
So far, it's been pretty good. Even if all 3 of her teachers give her homework it's an hour max. Usually only 2 teachers dole out homework any night. It's reasonable.
Also, despite the long time frames for most of the projects, they can usually be completed in a single night (unless you have to wait for glue to dry). I think these long deadlines are purely for show. If kids are assigned a project over a month, with 3 due dates a week or so apart, it looks like time management skills are being addressed.
The worst part about those projects is that my daughter has learned that there's no reason to spread the work out. Procrastination pays. You can do the whole thing in a couple hours the night before it's due, no problem. Someday this won't be true, but the procrastination habit will be well formed.
It'd be better if teachers simply assigned each part and asked to have it turned in within one or two days of assigning it.
Really, what child spreads out the creation of a poster more than a single day?
This year, in the 6th grade, each teacher has said no more than 20 min. If it takes longer than that, or they get frustrated, stop and send the teacher a note.
That's interesting.
Very, very simple -- and this DOES provide feedback.
(I have the HUGE problem of massive tutoring and parent reteaching, so....I need some way for the school to start learning how much parent reteaching is going on....at least, I think I do)
This year my fourth grader does all projects in the classroom. His teacher told parents on back-to-school night that we no longer had to run out to Target for poster board. We all laughed and breathed a sigh of relief.
He also commented that if our child had a problem with homework to send him a note.
However, there has been very little homework. A couple of worksheets here and there, but nothing substantial.
Honestly, I can't complain about the homework load because it gives my kids time to do Kumon, Saxon and now Singapore.
The work my kids do at home is actually more difficult than what they receive in class.
The main problem I have had is trying to explain to my nine year old that what he is doing at home is actually benefitting him more.
I noticed that the author included an email address. Should we flood his email account with suggestions that he visit KTM?
YES!
THANKS FOR THINKING OF IT!
I'm going to send him the link now.
This year my fourth grader does all projects in the classroom.
There were a couple of projects in my daughter's fourth grade class last year that were supposed to work out this way. The reality was that something always got in the way of computer lab (once a week) which delayed the process of one particular project severely. As the deadline approached the students (including the teacher) were cramming to get it done. The project was supposed to include a bar graph and a chart done on Excel, however, they were never taught how to do it because there was no time. Some teachers allowed students to bring the project home on a disk or flash drive so that they could finish up at home, while others (my daughter's teacher), never gave them that opportunity. It was a mess and it could have been a nice writing assignment if they actually got to finish a first draft and then revise it over a period of time instead of rushing madly to get it all done. I'm not sure what the lesson was there aside from poor planning leads to poor results.
I'm sorry, but I see this is as a parenting problem. The parent isn't stepping up, either at providing the child a safety net, and that's resuling is the child having all this performance anxiety, or the parent isn't stepping up by taking on the school, or something else is at play here.
I'm willing to believe the school assigns too much homework. But come on, this isn't about that anymore. The child is anxious. The child is nervous. It's the parent's responsibility to enforce the rules here, and he's the one who needs to stop allowing his son to get this wound up. They need to be the ones reinforcing the calm, reinforcing that their child is all right.
They shouldn't be studying on the weekend. They should be playing. The parents can control that. The parents. Not the children.
The child shouldn't be up past 10 pm EVER. That's the parent's job to enforce, not the child's.
If the child is struggling because the school isn't teaching him, then hiring a tutor is good. But not stopping that child from feeling like he's a failure means the parent is failing.
If the school is that out of bounds, the parents need to find a new school. Their job is TO PROTECT THEIR KIDS. Instead of whining that too much homework is going on, they need to teach their child what THEIR OWN expectations are, that that will do, and if that doesn't work, find a school that meets them.
I'm sorry, but I see this is as a parenting problem. The parent isn't stepping up, either at providing the child a safety net, and that's resuling is the child having all this performance anxiety, or the parent isn't stepping up by taking on the school,
This parent has written a column about his school IN THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.
heh
That is a VERY hostile thing to do, and....he's done it.
I shouldn't speak for this dad, although I realize I've just done so.
Nevertheless....I guess my point is that writing publicly about a problem with one's school is a whole different ballgame...with different signals being given, etc.
I have no idea what I'm saying.
As I mentioned, my sister was EXACTLY like this boy --- it's not easy to deal with. I think I've mentioned I grew up on a farm; we attended rural schools.
My sister was a nervous WRECK over her school work, and my folks tried very hard to calm her down, reassure her, etc...
I don't think they ever managed to do it.
Anxiety is a core emotion, and some kids have a lot more of it than others.
I'm hearing stories like this one here, in my district -- more with girls than with boys.
The boys I know simply won't do this much homework -- they'll blow it off; they'll "agree" to fail.
I know of girls who are killing themselves trying to stay alive in the "accelerated" courses here.
That said, I would be hammering the school -- and I'd TRY to figure out some way to tell my kid, "You're not doing this homework; it's too much."
One thing with anxious kids: you wouldn't be able to say, "You're going to school without your homework, because it's too damn much."
That's going to increase the anxiety more.
otoh, you could probably do the homework yourself, which I would do.
TO BE CLEAR: if I had a (more) anxious child (C. is somewhat anxious) I would, first, ask the school to moderate the homework.
(I'm already in a homework dispute this year, btw. Am already being blown off; teacher refuses to discuss.)
If I didn't get anywhere with the school, I would have him do the amount of homework he should reasonably do; then I would do the rest.
I guess I'll say one more thing.
Some of you will remember that I did do a fair amount of C's math homework when he was in 5th grade, not because he was being given too much, but because I was trying to accelerate him and he was ahead of his class by that point. So I did some of his class homework (not all of it, by any means; he needed to stay in practice) while assigning him the more advanced homework from Saxon.
Even that was anxiety-provoking. Kids that age REALLY want to follow the rules, and if they're anxious on top of it it's tough to deal with.
ok, carrying on here...I'll close by saying that C's math teacher that year was wonderful -- a good teacher and a person who worked with parents.
If I'd told her what I was doing, I bet she would have helped me out. (She helped us enormously when we did tell her we'd been trying to accelerate C.)
But it wouldn't have been a good use of her time to be trying to coordinate with one parent to reduce homework so that the parent could give more advanced homework, etc. -- or to feel pressured to do so -- or to feel bad about refusing to do so, etc.
My plan was to have C. do as much of her homework as he could reasonably manage, while continuing to move ahead in Saxon.
The teacher didn't need to invest time in this project beyond what she was already doing, which was teaching well.
"Kids really do want to follow the rules."
I concur, at least that's the case with respect to my kids. Unfortunately, the kids who are listening and trying to follow the rules are the ones who are most affected by a teacher cracking down on the kids who don't. Some teachers openly acknowledge this and will make sure the rule-followers in the class KNOW this. This tends to relieve the anxiety of those kids.
This is not just about homework.
"But the level of homework and anxiety my son deals with on a daily basis is well beyond anything healthy. And from talking to other parents, this problem is hardly unique to our family."
Where are the specific examples?
"When I'm cutting interviews short to make a practice quiz, or Amy's going to work late -- or rising at 4 a.m. -- to help him prepare for a test, something's rotten with the system."
Which system is he talking about. Their school system, or the educational system in general? There is something wrong with the parental system here if parents are getting up at 4am to help a fifth-grader reinforce his anxiety.
"It turns out he's stressed out."
"His childhood is already all but consumed by textbooks, notebooks and flashcards."
He is not just talking about homework here. "Flashcards". That's a red flag.
"Some have felt compelled to put their elementary-age kids on medication for anxiety to cope with the stress of so much schoolwork."
"Compelled?" [Then I'll agree with Allison.] Is he talking about schoolwork or homework? Something else is going on here.
"How insane that because of an overabundance of studying, prescribed as a way to prepare students for standardized tests that theoretically prove the schools are doing their jobs, kids are popping pills to keep jangled nerves in check."
Hyperbole. Here it is.
"overabundance of studying, prescribed as a way to prepare students for standardized tests..."
And we all know how difficult those tests are.
This isn't just a letter to their school. It's a column in the Wall Street Journal.
"I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point U.S. schools decided that if you can't teach 'em, test 'em...or pile on more homework."
And he knows this how? This guy is a journalist and he doesn't even know how to investigate a problem in an unbiased fashion?
I may or may not agree with him, but I surely don't have enough information by reading his column. And this is his profession.
It kind of sounds like he was just venting his frustration.
Yes, some kids are wired for anxiety. Telling them "don't be anxious" isn't enough. but helping them STUDY at 4 am??? That's encouraging anxiety, not trying to treat it. They are so performance driven that they can't stop his performance anxiety, because they're way too far down this rabbit hole.
I see your point--this guy was "fighting" the system with his column, so he's standing up for his son. This blog is about fighting the system, and don't you do the same thing--stand up for your kids here? But was it the same? He laid out his son's weaknesses, his fears, and his families fights in a world read newspaper. I don't think of that as standing up for an anxious kid, sorry.
Now, anecdotally, I was the anxious child. Not anxious about performance, but anxious nonethless. I hated school. But my parents did nothing to alleviate that, somewhat because they didn't know how, but mostly because life was about them them them, and this column reeks of it being about him him him as opposed to about what's best for his son.
Is that the same as venting here? Well, maybe. But here is the venting after the fighting tooth and nail that IS about changing things for your own kids. His solution was to hire a college student because *he* hates school too much to do it himself.
He didn't say "because I am not equipped to best help my child."
it's about him.
I assure you, his son isn't feeling less anxiety for being made an example of. And the son will eventually find that out, from other kids or teachers or someone.
Well, I have a high anxiety child myself, and navigating a child like that through the public school system is fraught with peril. I will say that she had a number of wonderful and amazing teachers along the way who understood her.
In fact, I still consider her first grade teacher to be an angel; as a veteran, sensitive and compassionate teacher, she understood my kid, and also understood how bright she was and how capable she was. (Same kid grduated high school last year with valedictorian status. She is also a kid who knows how to learn; she gutted out an A in Honors Physics even though she is not a conceptual thinker and had absolutely no interest in the subject matter.)
Her fifth grade teacher was amazing; he recognized that she was language gifted in ways that he had not seen before, and he continually challenged her, and she responded in kind. His belief in her both gave her confidence and inspired her.
Our experience has been that high-anxiety kids don't do well with ambiguity that is developmentally inappropriate. I could probably write a book about this, and its potentially harmful effects.
Another challenge that high-anxiety kids face, especially if they are also rather sensitive, is the kids who really aren't very nice. It's very challenging for a sensitive kid to stand up to a verbal bully, and the effect on a kid's self-esteem can be devastating. An emotionally mature teacher who understands this can take measures to deal with this in appropriate ways, and we were again mostly fortunate in this regard.
He laid out his son's weaknesses, his fears, and his families fights in a world read newspaper. I don't think of that as standing up for an anxious kid, sorry.
This is an important question -- it's actually a profound question, which I know sounds pretentious.
hmmmm....it's 7:28 am; Jimmy & Andrew have to get to their program today -- I'll come back later.
My short answer is that I believe this father has stood up for his child and is standing up for his child, but my answer needs some elaboration.
I've missed so much of this thread, and it looks so interesting. I've got to come back later and reread.
I have a lot of experience with anxious children. Telling them not to do the homework doesn't solve the problem. For the truly anxious ones, they'll sneak off into a closet to do the homework so you won't know. Thereby making their anxiety two-fold-- can't go to school without the homework, can't let mom know you are doing the stupid homework, can't get the stupid homework done and still sleep.
I've let her watch me draft e-mails or leave messages for the teacher explaining that M has struggled with the work for x minutes and we are asking for assistance at school tomorrow. Please don't give her detention for missed homework.
I get in these battles with her -- they only give detention for missed homework ! They're not going to give you detention because you couldn't complete it!
But that was last year.
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